RULE #3: Parents should be their child's assistant and mentor, not

just the cheerleader.

A parent's primary role is to be the child's assistant and mentor. While a cheerleader simply offers encouragement and approval, the parent's job is to help the child.

I specifically remember asking my dad every week how I did in Pee-Wee football. Finally, my dad turned to me and said, "Son, you will know you played well when you do not have to ask me how you did."

PREPARE THE STUDENT-ATHLETE BY ROLE PLAYING

If a child is calling a coach, he will likely be nervous and stumble over his words. Parents can help by role-playing with their children, having them practice leaving voice mails and talking with coaches. For parents, who are confident and accustomed to making business transactions via phone, this might seem like a simple - or even silly - thing to do. Parents need to remember that most student-athletes have little experience initiating relationships with authority figures over the phone. Every impression counts, and parents want children to sound confident and capable.

Parents should start by having the child leave a practice voicemail, pretending as though the athlete is leaving a message for the coach. Parents should listen to the message with the athlete, and help the child eliminate "ums" from the message. As well, they should help their child sound enthusiastic. Often, a child who is timid leaving a message sounds bored, and a coach might misread this as lack of interest. A parent can help a student prepare for calls with a coach by asking questions the coach might ask the student-athlete.

Some sample questions include:

• How was your season?
• What other colleges are you looking at?
• What do you consider to be your strengths and weaknesses?
• What other colleges have called you?
• What other colleges have made offers?

Some coaches will ask questions specifically to get a handle on how highly recruited an athlete is.

A student-athlete can start by practicing with schools he is less interested in so that he can learn from his mistakes. Far better for a child to fumble with teaching him how to communicate with coaches so that he is prepared when it really matters.

Remember: Coaches like student-athletes who take initiative and are proactive in the recruiting process. A student-athlete who takes charge off the field will do the same thing on the field!

Helping children with these rudimentary matters while letting them find their way will ensure that student-athletes will savor the process (and may even guarantee that Mom and Dad will get a call every Sunday once their children are out of the nest for the first time!).

The recruiting process can test a child's psyche. Rejection can deeply affect a teenager, and rejection will be part of this process. This is where parents can provide that loving, guiding hand. They should remind their children that they are immensely proud of their accomplishments and that the rejection does not diminish their efforts or alter their worth in any way.

Rejection is part of the educational experience, and it will happen again at some point. Parents should try sharing some of their experiences with rejection. Michael Jordan hit the nail on the head when he said, "I have missed more than nine thousand shots in my career. I have lost almost three hundred games. On twenty-six occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot-and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is precisely why I succeed."

(Incidentally, Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.)

Everyone fails. It is not how many times athletes get knocked down, but how many times student-athletes get back up. A parent's role is to help a child deal with rejection and prepare the athlete for a future in the real world. Parents need to remind their child that the person who never quits can never be a loser.